How to Annoy Fang and Get Him Together with Max
by llllick
Summary: Longest title ever. Lana, a crazed fangirl, decides Max and Fang need a little relationship help. She has an odd way of helping, though...
1. Introduction

Max stared at Fang. The rest of the flock, plus one special visitor, had already gone to sleep. They were staying at Dr. M's house, but she was away on business for 2 weeks. She gave Fang a cold stare and crossed her arms. "I told you that blog was going to be trouble."

Fang pushed himself off the counter and said, "How was I supposed to know a crazy fangirl could actually find us?"

"We need to get her out of this house!" Max yelled, failing to control her volume.

"Kids are sleeping...." Fang mumbled. "Anyways, we can't just kick her out in the street. One week."

Max went on. "That crazy fangirl said she had a MISSION!" She threw her hands up in the air. "Is that not suspicious to you?"

Fang had no response. He just shrugged, trying to make things better.

"One week," Max agreed, sighing. "Now go check on your stupid fangirl." She turned away from him and started washing the dishes.

Lana knew why she was here. She was here to annoy Fang, but also to get him and Max together by the end of her time here. She was searching the internet for three hours straight, looking up on how to annoy people. She found a solid list and smiled to herself. This week was going to be interesting.

**A/N: Ideas on how to annoy Fang/maybe tying those ideas in with Fax? **


	2. Plan 1: Getting Caught

Fang was downstairs in the kitchen, eating a bag of chips. The rest of the house went out to buy some things from the store, mall, grocery, etc. He was all alone... Well, except for-

"FANG FANG FANG FANG FAAAAANG!" Lana ran downstairs, clad in an outfit Nudge would love. Over morning breakfast the two girls had become bestfriends:

_As Lana reached for a piece of bacon, Nudge gasped. "I love your bracelet!"_

_"You do?" Lana smiled. "Here, have it. I don't need it."_

Which meant Fang was in for lots of trouble. Fang rolled his eyes when he heard Lana yelling. He couldn't believe what came over him that he let Lana stay here. Maybe he was just being nice because he was around Max... Hmm... Max... Or y'know, maybe it was the fact he experimentally took sleeping pills that day. "What?" he mumbled.

Lana smiled. "Do you like Max?"

Fang spit out a chip he was eating. A mushed up chip-glob landed on the floor, which grossed them both out a little. He turned to Lana. "What?"

Lana's smile somehow got brighter with every time she asked. "Do you like Max? Do you like Max? Do you like Max? Do you like Max?"

"If you're trying to get me to say something..." Fang trailed off. _Then it's so working,_ he added in his mind. He went to watch TV, and Lana followed him. She sat quietly on the couch.

Fang didn't want to admit it, but he was watching Glee. It was his dirty secret, besides the wings and all. But at all the funny parts, Lana would shout, "DO YOU LIKE MAX?"

Fang winced. He stayed quiet, trying to focus on the show. The gleeks were walking...walking.. .OH AND THEY'RE ABOUT TO GET SLU-

"DO YOU LIKE MAX?" Lana shouted louder, making Fang wince once more and turn away.

And so, the whole afternoon continued like that. The only thing Lana did, was follow Fang around and shout the sentence, "Do you like Max?"

_It was 5:55,_ Fang said in his mind. _Just five more minutes to go._

"Do you like Max?" Lana asked.

Fed up, Fang shouted back, "NO!"

There was a soft_ click, click,_ but Fang and Lana ignored it.

Lana scrunched up her eyebrows. "Do you think Max has an awesome body? Do you think she's hot? Ooh, do you wish you could rip off her clothes and-"

Before Lana was about to say what Fang thought she would, Fang interrupted, "FINE! I LIKE MAX!"

That was when Max and the rest of the flock cleared all their throats, making it noticeable that they were already inside, hovering near the doorway...

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Nudge was laughing, hearing Lana tell the story of what she did. They were sitting in Lana's guest room, playing Uno. "I can't believe you did that! Was it you plan to have the flock walk in?"

Lana nodded, giggling along. "I'm an evil genius." She put down a red 7.

Nudge put down another card, a blue 7. "That's amazing, but you could've saved the last one for breakfast."

Nudge and Lana both grinned at each other. Lana started, "Honestly? I was just here to get Fang and Max together." She put down another red card.

Nudge put some a different numbered red card. She didn't seem to take offense to Lana's comment. "Honestly, I'm just here for the bacon." Both girls giggled. "Do you know what you should do?"

"What?" Lana asked, wide-eyed, still putting down a card.

Nudge whispered the greatest plan of all plans in her ear.

"Oh and by the way, I change the color to yellow." Nudge said, slapping down a card.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

How did Fang and Max spend their time laughing about that little incident? Guess what, they didn't. Just uncomfortable silences.

"I was lying-"

"What was that-"

"She was trying to-"

"Well, I think that-"

"We should just..." Fang trailed off. We should just kiss and fly off into the sunset.

"Go to bed?" Max suggested. She shrugged. "Sure. Goodnight." Max leaned forward, and before Fang could figure out what the hell she was leaning forward for, she kissed on him the cheek.

Fang sat there, wide-eyed. Max laughed. "Ohmygod, it DOES work!"

"Wait, what?"

"Okay, I bought this lip goop, and I wanted to make an imprint on something, and it worked!" Max brought Fang to the tiny sink fossit to see.

There it was. I sparkly lip-imprint on the side of his face.

Max giggled. "You can wash it off, I just wanted to see."

"Uh, yeah," Fang said. "Goodnight." He gave Max a Christian Side-Hug, and trudged upstairs.

Honestly? Max made up that excuse about wanting to see if the lipgoop thing worked.

And honestly? Fang didn't wash it off.


	3. Plan 2: Photoshop Magic

-12 am-

Lana walked carefully and quietly past Fang and Max's room to the rest of the Flock's. She wasn't an idiot, she knew she hadn't been welcomed by anyone except Nudge. But maybe if she told everyone that it was okay to put their guard down, that she didn't mean any harm, maybe she'd be okay.

She would start with Angel. Angel was the mind reader, the sweetheart, it was good to get her on her side first.

Before Lana could even knock, Angel had already opened the door, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Hi," she said sleepily.

Lana's jaw dropped. "Um, hi. Did I wake you?"

Angel just shook her head, her little blonde curls flying everywhere. "No, I have that big kid stuff, you know? In-some-knee-ah?"

Lana scrunched her eyebrows together. "Insomnia? Why do you have insomnia?"

Angel just shrugged. "I looked it up on the computer, and apperently it's this huge disorder."

"Well, I know that," the other girl replied. "But I don't think you should have..." she trailed off. "Um, never mind. But, I have a plan, a plan that's perfectly safe."

Angel raised an eyebrow, reading Lana's mind. "So that's why you're here. Well, I'm the princess of manipulation as Max says, so come on in."

-The next morning-

Angel had told Gazzy, Iggy, Ella and Nudge about the plan Lana had came up with. They were all in. The big thing was to get photoshop, which Nudge knew how to do. After they all had gotten a messy picture of a random couple kissing off of Google, they worked photoshop magic.

Ella ran off to find an old printer that took a while to hook up, but they got it done.

The picture itself was disgusting, at least to Angel and Gazzy it was. Angel had said, "Why does that girl have such big hair and so many things on her lip?" Then Gazzy added, "And what're those pink things in between them?" The pink things had turned out to be tongues.

Nudge had photoshop the girl's poofy black hair to Max's tangled blonde color. Everyone had agreed on cutting the tongues out. Fang would've murdered if he saw that. Nudge changed the girl's face around a little bit, digging deep into the database and her mind. After about half an hour later, they were staring at Max spit swapping with a nameless boy.

They all high-fived each other, each of them thinking: 'This is gonna be good.'

-The next morning-

The Flock, plus Ella and Lana, were all up at the breakfast table. Everyone was slowly departing, knowing what would happen next. Gazzy and Angel said that they had to do something upstairs, and Nudge went down to the basement to find some old magazines with Ella, which Iggy tagged along.

Lana was left at the breakfast table with Fang and Max. There was a huge wall of awkwardness.

Lana stood up. "I'm going to turn on the fan." With the flick of a switch on the counter, she did. Then, a piece of paper fluttered from the fan onto her seat. She picked it up, seeing that Fang and Max were interested. "Oh MY," she said. "Look at THIS." She turned the paper around, revealing the image the rest of the Flock had made.

Fang was in the middle of pouring himself a bowl of cereal. He took a small glance at the picture and his fingers ripped through the box. Max was sputtering, trying to say something.

Lana put the picture down. "Um. I think I'll leave you guys to discuss this. I think I'm going to barf." She stomped upstairs to meet Gazzy and Angel. "They believed it," she whispered.

Gazzy told Iggy the same thing over a small walkie-talkie. Both halves up the Flock sneaked up to watch the scene.

.-.-.-.-.

Fang ran his fingers through his hair while he paced across the room. Those were small signs that he was nervous. "Okay," he said.

"Okay what?" Max replied.

"Okay that this," Fang gestured toward the picture, "is out in the open. So tell me. Who's the lucky guy?"

Angel had to admit she was manipulating their thoughts only a bit by turning them to the romantic side.

"Who's the lucky guy?" Max repeated. "What are you talking about? I, I don't even know when this was taken-"

"You don't even remember your KISSES?" Fang shot back, grinning in an amused way. "Oh my god, wow!"

Max glared and stood up. SHe slapped her hands on the table. "Like you remember YOUR kisses, Fang."

Fang nodded, "I do. I do."

Max snarled, "Oh really? What about that red haired girl? And then what abuot Bridget?"

"I never EVER went like that with Bridget!"

.-.-.-.-.

Lana whispered to Angel, "This isn't turning out right.."

Angel whispered back, "I know, I'm trying."

.-.-.-.-.

Fang just sighed and messed with his hair. "Okay. Okay. Just... just this stuff, this stuff is complicated."

Max nodded. "Very complicated."

"I mean, you go around just giving out kisses and the Flock has to see-"

"I don't go around giving out kisses!" she defended herself.

Fang hit the table with each word he said, "THEN WHAT'S THIS GUY ENJOYING?"

Max stayed silent, simmering in her anger.

"What was his name?" Fang picked up the picture, looking at the boy closely. "Was he nice? Did he treat you right? How many dates did you go on, how long did this stupid fling of yours last?"

"_WHY DO YOU CARE?_" Max suddenly shouted, throwing her hands up.

Fang was genuinely taken off guard. Max had asked him a lot of deep things, but she never questioned why he was doing what he did. Fang finally settled on, "Because I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I told you I don't remember when t was taken, so obviously it wasn't some fling, okay?" Max stepped forward, only centimeters from his face. "There's only one guy in the world that I'd do _that_," she looked at the picture then back at Fang, "with."

"But... the picture-" Fang persisted.

"Forget the picture," Max said, her arms slowly snaking around Fang's neck. "You heard me, right?"

.-.-.-.-.

Lana looked at Angel. "Don't you think this is a little extreme?"

Angel was wide-eyed, staring. "I'm not doing anything."

.-.-.-.-.

"What's happening? What's happening?" Iggy whispered.

"I think..." Ella gasped and ran down the stairs, reporting everything.

.-.-.-.-.

Fang gave up on the fight. He smirked, "And who would that guy be?"

Max leaned forward just a little bit more. They could feel each other's breaths. "Mmm," Max started. Then suddenly she jumped back, grinning. "I guess we'll find out someday."

Everyone's jaw dropped. They all wanted to scream and shout but that would blow their cover.

Max smirked, "I'm gonna go find the Flock. We're gonna go grocery shopping later."

Fang just shook his head, still in shock.

Max shrugged. "You don't wanna go? Fine." She started walking upstairs and winked at Fang.

Fang was truly amazed on how Max could paralyze him.


	4. Plan 3: We Don't Play Favorites

After that morning's little fiasco, Max huddled everyone up and went to go to the supermarket. Everyone came, except for Fang. Lana had to be carried bridal style by Iggy, which he surprisingly didn't complain about. They finally arrived, everyone ready for some food.

Lana told everyone to stay behind a few paces.

Max was picking out fruit, and Lana went up to her. "Hey!"

Max gave her a look. "Hi."

"You know, I totally admire you!" Lana said. Max stayed silent, but she had smiled. "So, tell me, who's your favorite out of the flock? Favorite _guy_?"Lana worked her phone in her pocket, turning the recorder on.

Max just shook her head and moved away. Lana followed.

"Mine would be Iggy, because the first time I heard about him on Fang's blog, I fell in love."

The rest of the flock looked at Iggy, which he sensed. His cheeks were burning, and he hoped that no one saw him..._blushing_...

"C'mon," Lana said. "Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me."

This filled up a whole ten minutes. Lana followed Max all over, saying the word over and over again. Max broke when Lana started talking in a Justin Bieber kind of voice.

"Tell me, tell me, tell me, ohhhhhh. I said tell me, tell me, tell me, woahhhhh!" Lana sang.

Max sighed, "Okay, if you'll stop pestering me, my favorite guy wouldbeFang." She smushed the last words together, hoping Lana didn't notice.

Lana gasped. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!"

"Oh, shut up," Max moved to a different fruit. "If you say anything about it though, you're not coming back to the house."

Lana frowned, "But then..." _My plan doesnt work_, she finished in her mind.

Max raised an eyebrow.

Lana stopped the recorder on her cell phone off, and shook her head. "Nothing." Then she walked off.


	5. Plan 4: Flame War

Lana and Nudge had decided they wanted to try a new plan. It was dangerous and flawed, but they hoped it would work. They had gotten Angel and the boys in it, too.

It was noon, so the girls had decided it was about to to start their plan.

Nudge ran out of Fang's room with Lana, screaming.

"Guys?" Max asked, walking towards them. "What's up?"

"Fang's room!" Nudge said breathlessly.

Lana finished, "It's on fire!"

Max instantly glared at Lana.

"It didn't have anything to do with her!" Nudge defended. "His lights got shortened and stuff and it caught on fire and it burned the bed. Then... Well... We saved the laptop!"

"Oh god. Fang is going to freak."

*(((

Everyone was at the breakfast table.

"My room..." Fang repeated slowly, "...Caught on fire?"

"Yeah..." Angel said uncertainly, sneaking a glance at Gazzy and Iggy. "We saved your laptop, though."

Fang stood up so fast that it knocked his chair over. He slammed his hands on the table and stared Gazzy and Iggy down. "What did you two idiots do?"

"Nothing! One of the fuses got sparky and-"

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT PICTURE DIDN'T MAKE IT OUT-"

Max stood up, bringing a halt to the argument. "Do NOT yell at your little brothers. What picture are you talking about? We'll buy you a different magazine-"

"NO!" Fang shouted. "It's not one of those things! It's just- FORGET IT!" Fang straightened the chair. He took a deep breath. "Just forget it. Sorry for freaking out like that. Where am I going to sleep? The couch is lumpy and horrible."

Angel immediately took control of everyone's thoughts.

"My room," Max said, in a confused tone.

Fang looked as if he was going to reject, then said, "Okay. I'm going to check for my belongings." He walked off after that.

Max took a cleansing breath. "Um, okay. How about everyone just hang out while I get Fang settled, okay?" The group nodded and Max left.

"Is it the picture we photoshopped?" "What's the picture?" they all asked Angel.

"I don't know!" Angel said. "He must've known I was reading his thoughts, so he didn't actually think of the picture."

"Well, I mean, at least they're sleeping together, right?" Gazzy asked. "Right?"

"I have a feeling we just made this way worse..."

"Wait, shut up, I can hear what they're saying!" Angel said quickly.

*(((

Fang was picking out all the clothes that had survived in the fire. The picture had survived, a little burnt around the corner, but still. Max stepped in the room and Fang quickly put the picture in his pocket.

"Hey," she said.

Fang nodded. "Hey."

"Sorry this happened... But they were good. They saved your laptop."

"I know. That's all they can say. 'We saved your laptop, Fang.'"

"Why are you so mad? It's just a room."

"I know it's just a room," Fang replied. "I know. It's just that... They could've found out stuff they shouldn't have."

"Oh? Like what?"

*(((

"Make him tell her the truth!" they were all suggesting.

"Make him say he loves her!"

"Okay, god, calm down!"

*(((

"Just... Stuff," Fang answered.

*(((

"What the?" Nudge demanded. "_Stuff?_ That's it?"

"He won't listen to me!" Angel retorted. "I think we should try a different approach. You know, not burning down his possesions this time."

Iggy grinned deviously. "I have the perfect idea."

()

A/N: Alright, sorry, I haven't updated this in a while... Enjoy?


	6. Plan 5: Emails and a guy named Josh

Nudge walked into Max's room, texting Ella about their newest plan. Fang was there, on his laptop. Max was out getting food. The rest of the group went to an internet cafe, but Fang didn't know that.

"Hey!" Nudge said cheerfully.

Fang looked at her and nodded. "Hey."

"Ella's at a basketball game," Nudge started awkwardly.

"Cool," Fang replied, typing away on his laptop.

"Did you know Max has an email?"

Fang stopped typing. "Oh really?"

Nudge nodded. "We found it on a post-it. It had her password, too!"

Nudge could tell Fang was interested. He started typing again, but very slowly. "That's... Interesting."

"So, lets hack it. Max doesn't have to know."

Fang only hesitated for a second before asking, "What is it?"

"Maxhawkins at yahoo. Her password's 'joined this for him', except with no capitalization

or spaces."

Fang nodded. "I'm in."

Nudge grinned and sat beside him. "Oh, hey, she has messages between a guy named Josh Hawkins."

Fang's eyes widened as he silently clicked on the first email.

Max: Hey babe. :)

Josh: hey (Max is love)

Max: What's that thing at the end?

Josh: a sig. it's 4 you hon. (Max is love)

Max: That is so sweet... I love you.

Josh: I love you 2 (Max is love)

Max: We should meet up again. The last time was fun ;)

Josh: we should ;) it was fun. cept for that pic. (Max is love)

Max: Oh god, that was horrible. Fang found it

Josh: fang? desperate loser fang? [[Max is love]]

Max: I wouldn't call him that... But that's the one.

Josh: lol. forget him. meet me today? Market?

Max: Totally. I have to go now. Fang's gonna see me

Josh: FANG IS LAAAAAAAAAAME

Max: LOL!

Fang glared at the screen. He mumbled a few words and closed his eyes. "Nudge," he said calmly. "Please leave."

"Okay, but Max just got a new email."

"No, she didn't."

"Yes, she did," Nudge said quickly before running out of the room.

Fang opened his eyes and saw that Nudge was right. He growled, wanting to shoot whoever this Josh was. He clicked on the email.

Josh: whre r u bb? [[Max is love]]

Fang imagined typing back, replying and saying the worst things possible.

Instead, he just stupidly replied:

Max: I'm coming.

Josh: i dnt c u newre [[Max is love]]

Max: Then wait, asshole.

Josh: WHAT? [[Max is love]]

Max: I'm at the market.

Josh: meet ya thr [[Max is love]]

Fang clicked out of the email. He speculated on what he had just done.

_You just set Max on a date, idiot!_

_Go get her!_

Fang shut his laptop and ran out the door.

Nudge saw him "Fang, what are you-"

Fang opened out his wings and shot off.

*((

The boy looked at Gazzy, Lana, Iggy, and Angel. They had all relocated to the market. "Why am I doing this?" he asked.

"Because we're paying you 50 dollars," Gazzy answered. "Your name is Josh, and you're in love with that blonde girl in the market name Max."

"I'm a professional model, I have a photoshoot tomorrow..."

"Yeah, whatever," Angel said. "Now get in that market!" she said, pushing him in.

"Wait, wait!" Lana stalled. She went to the boy and scribbled something on his arm. He smiled.

Iggy looked at Lana as the boy walked in. "What'd you write him?"

"My number," Lana answered dreamily.

Iggy made a face. "You don't even know his name."

"Yes I do! It's Aaron!"

Iggy's shoulders slumped and he looked away.

Nudge raised an eyebrow and smiled.

*((

Aaron (or Josh) walked in and found Max. He stole a rose and tapped her on the shoulder.

Max turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Hello...?"

Aaron smiled. "I'm Josh," he lied easily. "This is for you." He handed her the rose.

Max grinned. "Thank you. I'm Max."

Fang burst in. "HEY!" he shouted.

Aaron's eyes widened. "I... er..."

Fang stomped towards the couple. He looked at Aaron. "You're Josh?"

"M-maybe," Aaron stuttered. "I just-"

Fang drew back his arm and hit Aaron in the mouth.

Max dropped the rose and gasped. "FANG! What are you doing?"

Fang kept hitting the boy, over and over. "Don't ever touch her again, do you hear me? Because guess what?" He bent down and whispered something to Aaron, then kicked him in the crotch.

Max's jaw dropped. "Fang! Get off him!"

*((

"What'd Fang say?" Gazzy asked, watching from a window.

"He said... 'She's mine.'..." Angel answered.

*((

Max finally got Fang off of Aaron, dragging him away. "What was that?"

"He.. It was Josh! I know what you said about me!"

"I didn't say anything about you!"

*((

Nudge was shaking with excitement. "Make this work, Angel! Come on!"

"Okay!" Angel said. "I'm trying!"

"Is Aaron okay?" Lana asked frantically.

"He's fine. He thinks Fang busted his jaw and he's really regretting working with us."

*((

The flock was at the house, including Ella and Lana. Ella was on the phone, explaining the accident to her mother and leaving many details out. "He's not suing, mom, so it's all good!"

_"Not suing? How do you know!"_

"Lana... Um, convinced him."

_"Gabriella!"_

"Okay, mom, take care of Total on your business trip!"

_"GABRIELLA MONTEZ!"_

"We love and miss you, bye!" Ella quickly hung up. "She's in Chicago already, so she can't turn back, good news! Total's been cool, other good news!"

Max blankly stared at Ella. "We're in trouble, aren't we?"

Ella nodded solemnly. "Yes, we are."

"Who's fault is that, though?" Iggy asked, turning his head over at Fang.

Fang glared. "Shut your face or-"

"You'll knock out his back wisdom teeth?" Lana finished, reading her last text. "God, Fang! What did this Josh guy do?" she asked, playing dumb.

"Yeah, _Fang_," Max seethed, crossing her arms and glaring at him. "What did he do?"

Fang glared back. "You are fully aware of what he did."

Max and Fang stayed like that, in a small war with their eyes.

"Oh, if looks could kill, you'd be like, twenty-four feet under by now," Gazzy commented.

**A/N: I finally noticed that I left out Total... Um, so, that was my crappy excuse. Please let it slide. For some reason this chapter was very easy to write, so that explains the length(: I love you all, so remember: bite security guards that have mace and listen to music.**

**Oh, and tell me, do you guys like it when I do that little signature stuff on serious stories or just on little songfics or something? I just want to let you guys know that I care for you all and stuff... Mushy gushy stuff. haha(: Okay, bye for real!**


	7. Overnight and Plan 6

Max and Fang had fought in the bedroom. No, not even close to sexually.

Max got on her bed and started, "You're crazy, Fang. You knocked out a kid's back teeth for no reason!"

Fang curled up on the floor with a blanket. "It wasn't for no reason."

"Then what?" Mac demanded. She had already snuggled in her bed.

"I don't know," Fang sighed, on the edge of falling asleep.

Max glared. "Hypothetically, if you did know, what would it be?"

Fang pretended to snore.

Max threw a pillow at him. "Answer me, you idiot!"

Fang lazily opened an eye. "Hypothetically, because I was jealous."

Max sat up, looking at Fang quizically. "Jealous of what?" She heard Fang snore again. "Fang. Fang! Fang, I know you're not asleep." Fang laid on the floor, silent. "I'll let you see my boobs if you wake up right this second." Not even a twitch. Max sighed and laid back down. She closed her eyes and let rest come.

*((

Around 3 in the morning, Iggy and Lana were outside of Fang and Max's room. Lana had a control box in her hands, turning the knobs.

Iggy yawned. "What are we doing?" he asked.

Lana hushed him. "Be quiet," she whispered. "I took out their alarm clocks and blocked their ways out with metal, now I'm heating the metal up."

"Why am I here?"

"Because, someone is going to have to tell them what to do once they wake up. If I do, then they'll kill me." Lana set the control box down, looking at Iggy. "That person is going to be you."

"Uh huh," Iggy said sarcastically. "You aren't scared of Fang and Max. What are you going to be doing in the morning."

Lana rolled her eyes. "Nothing of your business. So, when they wake up, give them a piece of paper under the door and tell them that they have to decide what they are."

"What do you mean decide what they are?"

"It's obvious that they aren't just friends, so I'm trying to lure them into admitting they like each other. Can you do that for me, Iggy?"

"Um, yeah. Sure."

Lana hugged him. "Thanks!" She went off to her room and closed the door.

Iggy sighed, going back to his room and back to sleep.

**A/N: Just wanted to update. I feel like this story is close to an end just a handful more chapters! :D**


	8. Last Attempt: Part 1

**A/N: You guys are very patient and nice people. This is a short chapter and barely explains anything, but I am working on the others...(:**

Max woke up before Fang. She looked out her window and saw that it was taped over with metal. "What the hell?" she asked herself. She tried checking what time it was, but then she realized there were no clocks. She hurriedly opened her window, touching the metal. She screamed, "Ah, fuck!" Her fingers had _sizzled. _The metal was heated at a nice 120 degrees. There was no heat coming off the metal, just a low hum of electricity.

"Don't touch the metal!" a voice said from outside the door.

Max recognized it immediately. "Iggy. Iggy! What the hell is going on?" She saw that there were scraps of metal covering the door, too. "Let us out!"

"I can't..." Iggy said. He sighed, "Lana will kill me."

"Who are you more afraid of?" Max demanded. She threw a pencil at the door. "Me or Lana?"

"Lana," Iggy answered simply.

"Oh, I hate you."

Iggy went on, "Wake Fang up. This is our last attempt at getting you two together."

Max glared at the door. "Do you feel my glare?" she spat.

"Yes."

"Good!" Max bent over to wake up Fang. She knew exactly what Iggy was talking about. She must've been stupid not to. Okay, well, she figured it out just the night before, but still. "Fang," she hissed. "Fang, wake up!"

Fang grumbled, "Leave me alone." He turned on his side, snoring delightfully.

Max glared. She was done playing nice girl. She kicked Fang in the face. "WAKE UP!" she shouted.

"AH!" Fang exclaimed, holding his nose. "Oh god, it's bleeding. It's bleeding! Blood is everywhere!" It was obvious he was still half asleep.

Max kicked him again, this time in the side. "I'm crotch stomping you next time," she threatened.

Fang lazily opened one eye. "What is going on?" Max pulled a small tube out of a drawer and threw it at Fang. He screamed realizing what it was. "What is this?"

"Tampo-"

"NO! Don't tell me what it is, I know what it is! Why'd you give it to me?" Now he was fully awake and terrified.

"For your stupid bloody nose!" Max shouted.

"I'm not putting that in my nose!"

"YES YOU FUCKING ARE!"

*((

Iggy was outside the door, staring. How could two people, perfectly meant for each other, fight this much? "Sexual tension!" he shouted. "Sexual... tension." He repeated the words slowly.

There was silence. Then Max shrieked, "I'LL KILL YOU!" and threw something heavy at the door.

Iggy shoved a piece of paper under the door. "Lana said you two have to write down what you are: dating or not. She told me what she wants to happen, so you have to do what she said to get out of the room."

"That's ridiculous," Fang said, his voice seeming like he had a stuffy nose.

"What does she want?" Max asked.

"I can't tell you, you have to figure it out yourself!"

There was more silence. Then Fang spoke up again: "What if I need to piss?"

"There's a bucket in the corner," Iggy answered, expecting the question.

"I'm not peeing in front of her!"

"Then you guys better make a choice quick."

The paper was pushed back, and Iggy read many obscenities directed at him, his genitals, Lana, and his mother. He had a feeling that this plan was not going to be easy.


	9. Last Attempt: Part 2

**A/N: This is the last chapter. There might be an epilogue... It took a year, but I finally finished this story.(:**

Iggy had finally gotten the locked-in pair to calm down and take the situation seriously. They tried 3 times already, neither of them being what Lana wanted.

"Just friends."

"Seeing where this will go."

"You're a dickface, so is Fang, let me out."

It was nearly 2pm, and the Flock had gathered outside the door, grumbling. Lana was still on her date with Aaron, the boy who looked like Alex Evans.

Iggy sighed as there was another piece of paper pushed under the door.

"If you do not let me out, I will kick down the door."

"I don't think Mrs. M will like that!" Iggy said.

*((

Max groaned, jumping onto the bed. "I hate this. I hate this!"

Fang looked at Max. "Do you really want to get out of here?"

Max looked at Fang, raising and eyebrow. "What do you suggest?"

Fang was determined to get through this. He was going to come out of the room in his little black skinny jeans and say 'I'm Maximum Ride's boyfriend!' He was going to make his move, and make it now. "We actually decide what we are?"

Max stared at Fang. She bursted out laughing, "Are you kidding?" She kept laughing, "I am Maximum Ride! I don't talk about feelings or relationships! That's a ridiculous thought, Fang, and I will not take you seriously with a tampon up your nose." Max laid down with her back facing Fang, most likely trying to fall asleep.

Fang sighed. He took the feminine hygiene product out of his nose and sniffed. "God, that was really weird and I hope I never have to do that again." He threw the product into the "pee bucket" in the corner. "Well, I like you, and I would very much like to get this milestone out of the way."

Max flipped around so that she was actually facing Fang. She was still lying down when she asked, "What are you talking about? No, no, no! Fang, we aren't having the relationship talk-"

Too late, Fang had already gotten started: "It's obvious we both like each other, very much. I was insanely jealous when I saw you with that Josh/Aaron guy. I don't think I've ever wanted to kill anyone more than when I saw him. You, on the other hand, have the better side of this story. You've just been hiding away in your stupid little stoic shell-"

Max shot out of the bed with Fang's last comment. She was immediately barking in his face, shouting, "I enjoy being in my stoic shell very much!"

"Why?" Fang asked. His expression nor tone hadn't changed with Max's actions. "Max, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Fang. Plus, you can easily crush my skull." He saw that Max was slightly pleased with what he had just said. "Come on, Max, what's stopping us?"

Max's ego and tough-girl attitude shrank by quite a bit. "I don't know," she answered simply. "I think it's because if we break up, the Flock will break up, easy as that."

Fang laughed and suggested, "Then let's not break up."

Max gave Fang a death toll look. "Fang, there's no guarantee-"

"There's no guarantee for anything, Max. Who's to say we'll live another minute? Who's guaranteeing that I won't have an expiration date on my neck tomorrow-"

"Shut up!" Max shrieked, covering her ears. She breathed in deeply and let the breath go. "Don't ever say that again, okay?"

Fang smiled a bit. "Your stoic shell's cracking, Max." He leaned back, pleased to see that he was getting _somewhere_. "I'm sick of being 'the quiet one,' so I'll say it. I think we should try. What do you think?"

Max slowly removed her hands from her ears. She looked at her feet, shrugging. "I dunno," she mumbled again.

Fang's shoulders slumped. Then he remembered; he was determined. "So you'd rather us be nothing at all?"

"Well, when you put it that way-!"

Fang leaned over Max. His arm snaked around her, getting the pencil without her noticing. He pressed her against the side of the bed and kissed her.

Max's eyes widened when they pulled away. "Wow."

Fang smiled. "So, do we know what we're putting down now?"

Max nodded, getting the piece of paper and writing with Fang.

*((

"Boyfriend. Girlfriend." It was written in the smallest print.

Iggy gave what they wrote to Nudge, who screamed. She cursed loudly, "HELL YEAH!" The whole Flock read what the sheet said, their own cheers escaping. Iggy unlocked the door and let the couple out.

Max punched Iggy in the neck while blushing. "Shut up. Everyone, shut up!"

"MAX AND FANG, SITTING IN A TREE!" Angel started singing. Her brother joined in, "F-U-C.." They stopped once they saw that Max and Fang were giving them a death glare.

Nudge and Ella, however, did not realize that. They finished the song, earning a punch to the gut from Max.


End file.
